A Trinidad Story...

In an attempt to prove once and for all that no good deed goes unpunished and in what could only be described as meteorological irony, the weather opened up on Emancipation Day and almost drowned central Trinidad.

The Members of Parliament and newly elected Local Government Councillors, in an immediate reaction to the tragedy, ran to every news camera they could find in an effort to use photo-ops and sound bytes to stop the downpour, but to no avail.

When it became apparent that this was not working, those in UNC and COP Party shirts were seen lining up with their arms crossed in front of their bodies singing 'One Love' by Bob Marley, a strategy which repelled the People's National Movement in both Local and General elections but which, sadly, was having no effect on the raging flood waters whatsoever.

The frustrated people looked to their elected leaders for answers and were told 'Rise', which they assumed to mean find higher ground and it seemed like good advice at the time, all things considered.

Not to be outdone by her juniors, Prime Minister Kamla Persad Bissessar took to the skies in a National Security helicopter (dubbed call sign 'Rum & Coca Cola One' once she's on board) and circled the scene until sufficient camera crews arrived to video tape the landing and regal disembarking.

Four newly elected Local Councillors were hastily dispatched to locate a black man in need of a hamper before the interview could begin, and after this was accomplished, the PM and her 'Team' were seen to be busily walking, pointing, and at one point even looking into the sky as if in search of solutions.

The Office for Disaster Preparedness and Management (ODPM) admitted that they were not prepared for this type of situation and therefore could not be expected to manage it, proposed a change of name more in keeping with what they do.

Now called the (OHM) Office of Hampers and Mattresses, they went about searching for people in need of either.

Contacted out of Trinidad somewhere on FIFA's (his principal employer) business, Minister of Works (his night job) Jack Warner strongly registered his outrage at the audacity of the water to flood on such short notice and in such an untimely manner, but, as the absentee Minister was quick to point out, this was PNM water, and being PNM water was capable of just about anything and he wasn't surprised at the flood.

"I expected this, I expected this, but you see the people didn't vote for flood, they vote for dryness and not so much wetness, and maybe some flowers by their fence and better dog food maybe at a lower price. Under a People's Partnership Administration we intend to dry the people off and protect them from PNM wetness in the future" He said. "I have been in touch with my Prime Minister, and she has told me that she disagrees with all this flooding and wetness, and I take that as a mandate that we now have to dry things up."

"And I promise you" he went on to say " any further flooding in the future will be in consultation with the people, and when we have a mandate from the people, only then will flooding occur. This is PNM styled flooding, but you can't just flood just so, you have to talk to the people first, and I tell you again, that is what we intend to do."

He then got Attorney General Anand Ramlogan on the phone, who, equally outraged, promised an immediate enquiry not only into this flood, but also into every circumstance involving water under the last Administration.

He (Warner) then got his assistant on the phone, and this conversation seemed to escalate his outrage and caused him to get stuck on a word which seemed to begin with the letter 'F.'

Passers by were overheard on the line trying to assist by shouting different 'F' words at him, but this did not seem to help.

The call ended with one reporter wishing him well and hoping he eventually got the word out.

When the Minister of Health could not be reached by phone, news teams visited her home only to find her chasing her husband around the house with a frying pan screaming at him to stop some 'crap' or something sounding like that.
As she was in no position to comment on the possible negative health consequences of the flood, the team left.

Local Government Minister Chandresh Sharma was reported to be in Claxton Bay holding back the waters with a mysterious blue light coming from his forehead that some say could stop bullets but not flying teacups.

Anil Roberts, full time Minister of Sport and part time Parliament jester was standing by the side of the road steupsing loudly for every one to hear, because he was of the view that once it was a water problem they should call in the Coast Guard and not the Army.
He was further annoyed because it was he who was on the phone with Warner, who still had not gotten that 'F' word out and Anil was losing patience with his boss and was suggesting some 'F' words of his own back at him.

Acting CEO of WASA Ganga Singh commented that this problem was going to cost four hundred million to solve, and he was heading to his office to meet with lawyers to form a Company to solve it for around that price, and any further questions should be directed at the Minister of Public Utilities, who, when contacted, said he was in the dark and could shed no light on the matter.

With Jack Warner still struggling to get the word out in the background, and with the Prime Minister circling overhead, unimportant Party members got down to work drafting speeches to put the blame squarely at the feet of the last Administration and putting together 'request for tender' documents for flood control equipment, drying cloths and one 'slap chop' so that everything could 'sparkle'.

The flood hit people, realizing they were on their own again as usual, got down to business cleaning their houses, still trying to figure out what exactly they got in exchange.