In response to the reactionary rabid racists raving righteously all over the news feed, Facebook has instituted some guidelines that go into immediate effect that hopes if not to bring an end to the conflagration, will confuse it continuously.
Effective immediately, all references to white and black will be instead referred to as not quite beige and very beige depending on the level of beige-ness or absence thereof regardless of what you are referring to. As examples of the new system, the color formerly known as ebony will now be known as 'Beige to the tenth power' and milk will be referred to as 'Just not Beige enough.'
To undo any other chances of racist baiting and so clear up the matter or baffle it into oblivion, henceforth Africa will now be referred to as 'Very very very Southern Europe' and India will be referred to as 'The Land of Cows.'
Effective immediately, all references to white and black will be instead referred to as not quite beige and very beige depending on the level of beige-ness or absence thereof regardless of what you are referring to. As examples of the new system, the color formerly known as ebony will now be known as 'Beige to the tenth power' and milk will be referred to as 'Just not Beige enough.'
To undo any other chances of racist baiting and so clear up the matter or baffle it into oblivion, henceforth Africa will now be referred to as 'Very very very Southern Europe' and India will be referred to as 'The Land of Cows.'
Night and day will become 'suntime' and 'moontime' respectively, and every no moon period will be protested with symbolic candlelit hand holding and the singing of the spiritual Kumbaya to acoustic guitar (where available) for the duration.
Afro hair will now be called 'Deep Perm' and straight hair will be known as 'Permically Challenged.'
These changes will assist those whose agenda it is to rewrite history, and colonial times and slavery will henceforth be known as the 'Time of the Great Oops.'
These changes will assist those whose agenda it is to rewrite history, and colonial times and slavery will henceforth be known as the 'Time of the Great Oops.'
There will be no words for dark and light and people are asked to feel around whenever they cannot see where they are going.
The 'N' word, long a source of much distress and confusion as to who is allowed to say it and what it means in different situations will now be replaced by the word 'Qwiffle' and can also be called the 'Q' word; gang members are especially instructed about this change and reminded to insert the changes into poular slangs such as 'Qwiffle Pleaz...' and 'Thaz mih Qwiffle.'
This change also clears the way for whites to use the word as well without offense to anyone.
Police Officers are instructed in extreme cases of profiling to pull suspects over and hand out bags of jelly beans while telling a story of a fond memory of theirs as a child, being mindful of the conversational guidelines above.
Police Officers are instructed in extreme cases of profiling to pull suspects over and hand out bags of jelly beans while telling a story of a fond memory of theirs as a child, being mindful of the conversational guidelines above.
It is hoped that these changes will lighten the mood in an otherwise tense situation and pave the way for us all to 'Just get along.'
wordsmith eh?
ReplyDeleteYou too bright for your own good Phillip! Still funny as hell though!!
ReplyDeleteI tell you...what can I say...same as above..you too bright for your own good!!
ReplyDelete