The Jack Awards... January 2011

Well what a difference a month makes.

We at the Organization for Semi Worthwhile & Distracting Events (OSWDE) would like to thank all of those who went out of their way to make this edition of the Jack Awards a bumper celebration.

It seems our biggest problem this month was figuring out where to begin, so let's jump right in and see where we go from here.

(Please note that like GOPIO's Best Indian Around Town Awards, the nominees are listed in no particular order)

Nominations for this month's Jack Award are:

Prakash Ramadhar

Nominated in the 'Wheel and Come Again' Category,  Prakash demonstrated an uncanny ability to recoil the glowing verbiage with which he used to describe another one of our nominees Ms Reshmi Ramnarine in the House of Representatives, in his defense of her qualifications and suitability to run the nation's highest Intel Office. The 180 degree turn he took in such quick time when he found out that she was not as qualified as she portrayed herself to be also qualifies him for a second glass of warm juice.

John Sandy

Minister of National Security John Sandy is nominated multiple times in the 'What You Talkin' 'Bout Willis' Category for his trademark quizzical expression in the face of media questions. Also nominated for the 'Clueless in Seattle' Award alongside Prime Minister Kamla Persad Bissessar.

Minister Sandy is the current holder of the 'Where Did I Leave My Keys?' Award.

Devant Maharaj

Ahhh Devant, bus driver to the stars, what would this show be without your cute shenanigans?

In answer to his Minister's call (no, not George Nicholas, the other Minister of Works and Transport), Devant defied the devious deviants that dared to disrupt this Award Show's namesake's plans to reduce crime by legalizing it once and for all, starting with making it 'A OK' for PH drivers to break the law as long as it's done with an impish grin. The Maxi Taxi hoodlums who withheld their service for a day in protest were judged to be prejudiced against the legally challenged PH drivers, so Devant made sure there were buses aplenty available to take everyone to work and back.

Well everyone except those living in Central and South, but as they don't matter he didn't care.

Devant is nominated in the 'Betty Go Go' Category.

Reshmi Ramnarine

It is very rare that a private citizen comes from obscurity at such speed that she collides with destiny, but it would seem that Reshmi had her eyes set on a Jack Award all along.

Believing that Intelligence people weren't all that intelligent, Reshmi made up credentials to fit a position and was promptly promoted beyond it by a Government known to support outcomes over substance.

Reshmi is nominated in the 'Friends of Sasha' Category.

Deosaran Bisnath & GOPIO

Nominated once again for being Indian enough in Indian time, the head of GOPIO deserves an award every month just because he and his organization are the inspiration for 'nothing' award shows everywhere.

Now that Kams has celebrated a year as Leader of the UNC, it cant be too long now before we have part two to his Best Indian Award Show created to get her to notice him not that long ago.

Deo is nominated in the 'How Low Can You Go' Category.

Selwyn Cudjoe & NAEAP

Like his former 'Best Boy Pal' Deosaran (above) and reminiscent of a character out of Sesame Street, one minute Selwyn is everywhere screaming in your face and the next minute he's gone.

No one is really sure what he does or what his organization stands for anymore, and while there have been speculation from African Leader to CEPEP Contractor, some have suggested that he is really a paid spokesmodel for Dashiki shirts.

Selwyn is nominated once again for the 'Hiding in Plain Sight' Award

Kamla Persad Bissessar

Celebrating one year since she took over as Captain of the good ship TT UNC, Kamla has had an industrious year busily doing whatever she could do to sink it. Realizing that she would need help to 'do so', she has amassed a crew of sailors that some say if anybody could sink a ship it would be this crew.

Having presided over much calamity on her watch (much too much as some would say, most by her own doing others say), Kamla still took time to make a patriotic carnivalesque fashion statement in celebration of Sir Ellis Clarke's final send off.

Spending time between wipeouts and continuous campaign stops, Kamla has promised her supporters at least three good reasons to wear those yellow shirts each year.

The current holder of the 'Clueless in Seattle' Award, Kams is nominated in the 'Man Overboard', 'Meerkat Manor' and the 'Quick! Everybody Hide' Categories.

Herbert Volney

Deciding that no month should go by without him getting a Jack Award, Huggable Herb has decided that if he couldnt cancel Carnival at least he would make it difficult for revelers to make noise.

Taking on the established and well attended WASA fete to start, Vooping Volney made a big swing and a miss and ended up on his back at Mount Hope Hospital, where some say the Ministry of Justice should be relocated to anyway.

Almost single handedly responsible for dry taps nationwide, Volney is nominated for the 'Like Yuh Eh See Mih Or Wha' Award.

Dwayne Gibbs

By telling everyone that the case involving head of the Police Service Commission and spokesman for the Hair Club for Men Nizam Mohammed's brush with the law is now decided and closed despite the public's cry for something like justice, Gibbsie took another step closer to becoming a full fledged Trini.

Nothing says 'I iz a Trini' better than abuse of Public Office, and many a Canadian Ex-Pat are envious at the speed with which Dapper Dwayne is making the transition.

Nominated for the 'Bareback & Drunk' Award, we at OSWDE expect big things from the lovable Commish in the future.

Rupert Griffith

Just when you thought that his crossing the floor was the high point of his dynamic and news worthy career, Rupee went one step closer to having his name remembered by winning the Jack Award for the biggest waste of money we have ever seen bar none.

Deciding that if he was going to promote Tourism, Minister of Tourism Griffith decided that the place to do it was India as they have never seen floods and poverty first hand.

To make his point that this is the place every Indian wants to be, he decided that the best demonstration of Trini culture would be the 'Orange Sky High in Bangalore Tour', first class, courtesy of the people of Trinidad & Tobago.

Rupert is nominated in the 'Sugar Daddy' and 'Dan Dadda' Categories.

Jack Warner

For bringing us one step closer to anarchy, Minister of Works & (sometimes) Transport - Jack Warner has challenged decency and ethics at every turn and won.

Not comfortable being told what to do, Warner has decided that no law should remain carved in stone if removing it could earn him votes or money or both.

Because he is the namesake of these Awards, Austin Jack Warner gets an Award every month for simply being Jack.

Jack is nominated in the 'Yes Anil is MY Friend' Category.

Anand Ramlogan

No stranger to the Jack Awards, Anand has won in the 'Mother Therersa' Category before for his magnaminous role in keeping Ish & Steve from the clutches of Uncle Sam, some say perpetually.

Nothing could have prepared us for the slew of nominations Anand received for this edition of the show, and it would be no stretch to say that he is a shoe in for the Miss Congeniality Award.

From missing Pianos to under achieving appointees, the AG may find himself with more Awards than anyone else in history.

He is nominated for the prestigious 'Martin Luther King Jr I Had  a Dream' Award among others.

Other nominees for Awards are:

Watson Duke & Peter Permell in the 'Winston, Steups - Nigga Pleaz' Category

The organizers of the funeral of former President Sir Ellis Clarke in the 'It Could Do So' Category

For his comments during 'Piano-Gate', Patrick Manning is nominated for the 'Minshall School of Style' Award.

There have been some other notable changes to the show, including the use of Mabel's Mauby instead of warm juice in certain categories.

Also in the line up of changes is the Ramma Damma Ding Dong Prize for most endearing media pose, named for the holder of the trademark facebook smile Glen Ramadhar Singh; the winner of this prize gets a bag of hops and a voucher as well as the ubiquitous Jack Award, and an autographed copy of the Roodal Moonilal's  'Sweating to the Chutneys' Workout Video.

Not everyone who were nominated this month could have gotten an Award, but many qualify for a glass of juice and a slice of cake courtesy Courts Furniture Store.

Credits:

The Jack Award is made in India using hemp and other natural ingredients.

The Jack Awards is ninety nine per cent fat free and contains no trans fats; low in calories and high in fiber, the Jack Awards can be part of a balanced breakfast.

The Jack Awards are brought to you by Lawrence Duprey & Andre Monteil from an undisclosed sunny location.

This show is not affiliated to any other award show both living and dead, and is written on recycled paper.

All participants and Nominees have been booked through the SIA's 'getting to know you' outreach program.

All winners will receive their full slice of cake and glass of juice at the Offices of OSWDE in Puerto RIco.

Closing:

We at OSWDE have been acused of suffering from delusions of grandeur and we ask our detractors - 'Who's suffering?'

While we do not yet have our own live show, one day we will and that day will change the world forever and maybe, just maybe, make people who are in the Public's Employ take their responsibility a little more seriously.

The producers of the show would like to extend their condolences to the families of Decency and Integrity who, while missing for some time, are feared dead.

The Jack Awards is an equal opportunity offender, and if your name call it call; If you dont want it to call, walk tall.

The Government of the people is supposed to work for the people, in the service of the people, and while firing them takes a little time, we can expose them for who and what they really are.

If you're a blind Party supporter, a racist, a biased Journalist, a corrupt public Official or a 'doh care' public servant, for reducing the quality of life in our nation, there is a Jack Award for you.

If you take yourself too seriously be careful, you can never tell if one day you bend a corner and see us smiling with a Jack Award just for you.