Tomorrow's Headlines...

If I were the Headline Writer for the daily papers you would get these headlines tomorrow:

Manning Feeling Mannish!

Ever since being humbled by Speaker of the House Wade Mark in his trademark loud whisper, Patrick Manning seemed eager to break his vow of silence and 'set some facts' straight. 

The much anticipated fireworks fell flat, as it turns out the 'facts' were the revelation that another Prime Minister of the country was suffering from delusions of grandeur and was demonstrating herself lavishly.

The former Project Manager claimed the country's current Prime minister was building herself an opulent Palace costing 150 million dollars, to which the other side reacted and for which Mr. Manning was 'buffed' several times by the very 'Speakerish' Speaker of the House.

He (Manning) also claimed that God was upset with the UNC for mashing up the church at Guanapo and that people were going to be punished.

In a yawn heard around the world, not even the PNM members were sure of what he (Manning) was trying to say at this point, and his revelation that this was indeed his last term in Parliament fizzled like an anticlimax.

The Government, unfazed by this promise of Armageddon, continue to rest comfortably under the safety of Minister of San Juan Markets Chandresh Sharma's blue forehead light for protection.

Rottweiler Bites Back

In an attempt to show Kamla that he isn't her puppy dog because he agreed with her once, Opposition Leader Dr. Keith Rowley stood with his MP, former Prime Minister and Member of Parliament Patrick Manning in his call for clarity on what he (Manning) dubbed Kamla's Palace.  

In response to Mr. Manning's allegations laid in the House complete with pictures and diagrams and the Government's call that he (Rowley) distance himself from Manning's assertions, Dr. Rowley said in his most Harvard sounding bark, I am not in a position to pre-judge this matter at this time.

Had he left it right there, Dr. Rowley would now be sounding like a Party Leader and potential Prime Minister; That he went on (does this man have ANY advisors?) to say that he hopes now she understands what it feels like to have your name and your family business brought up in Parliament unjustly did him no favors, referring to the time she supported then MP Ganga Singh's accusations that he Rowley had questionable assets.

One almost expected the Opposition Leader's contribution at the Press Conference to end with neh neh ne neh neh.

Peter to Winston - You Had Me at Hello

Debonaire party playboy and sometime Casino Dealer Peter Permell has trained his over exaggerated pea shooter directly at the Minister of Finance, in a bid to cleave him from the loving embrace he now shares with Prime Minister Kamla Persad Bissesar.

Not to be out gunned, the Minister has himself reached for his own sizable political ammunition and was last seen waiting with piece in hand. 

Claiming to have inside information on a 'lover's quarrel', Permell alledges that Dookeran has threatened to leave if Kamla changes her position on Permell. Dookeran acknowledges none of Permell's allegations, and claims things could not be cozier in the Partnership.

Sounding more and more like a love triangle about to go horribly wrong, we all wait the latest revelations and pronunciations of this loose firecracker and wanna be Financial Advisor to the stars Peter Pan Permell and our own grammatically unpredictable Minister of Finance.

Louis Louis

To be or not to be seems to be the question Mayor of Port of Spain and former NBA basketball all star Louis Lee Sing must ask himself everyday. The question seems to revolve around his willingness to put black people in their place, and in this case their place was the back of a dog catcher's van. 

Standing tall on the morning after his now (in)famous negro round up, Louis claimed to be ordained by God (read Gregory Aboud of DOMA) and in his divine calling sanctioned by the Courts and the Ministry of Health through the facility of the St. Ann's Mental Hospital, swiped undesirables (read loitering blacks) off the street and penned them, fingerprinted them, washed them down and processed them.

Catching a couple people off guard (who were on their way to work) in his drag net, one remarked to the Magistrate that he was hauled before, that he was simply watching the Big Screen on top KFC Independence Square when he was 'swept up' in the Mayors 'If yuh Black, Get in the Back' campaign.

The management at the Hospital at St. Ann's were just as surprised as they had no room for any further inmates, a short fact Louis himself would have gotten if he had simply made a call.

Meanwhile, the Magistrate's Court was last seen trying to untangle Louis' lapse of decency, and KFC was rolling out its new Dragnet special, a three piece to eat 'on the move'.

A spokesman for DOMA said their membership had nothing against blacks and recommends that every home should own one.

Who Knew, Who Flew, Turk 182

In a twist worthy of a James Bond Novel, the revelation by the Prime Minister in the Parliamnet that there was a covert spy ring tapping phones 'willy nilly' in the country sparked outrage and concern among the population until most remembered that their lives were not that interesting so nobody would want to waste a tap on them anyway.

Fueling a rush to cover cocoa, many are calling for heads to roll, for tapes to be destroyed and quite a few people are upset that they did not make the list.

Like having your own bodyguards, feigned umbrage was this season's 'new pink' and few wear it as well as lawsuit dynamo Sat Maharaj.

Interviewed on his throne (yes, on a freakin' throne) Sat was outraged that people may have listened to his 'private' conversations with the likes of, well many who are now in Parliament and on State Boards.

Knowing Trinidad for what it is, we fully expect 'leaked' conversations any day now, and quite a few may have to lower their profile for a while.

Kamla Grooms Moonilal

In a bid to end the constant nipping at her heels for temporary Prime Ministerial position every time she has to board a plane, Kamla decided that to stay in power, her best bet would be to name a successor now.

One wonders at the logic behind her choice, but she was quoted as saying should anything happen to her (God forbid), she would be happy to be replaced by Party tote man and Least Among Equals, Roodal Moonilal.

This caused a mad flurry at every media house as journalists everywhere rushed to find out what exactly has the slender Minister done to deserve the accolades. In the end it seems that there is method in her madness, and like mothers everywhere with many children fighting over one toy, she took it away. Roodal's claim to fame in this instant seems to be he 'is not' Jack and he 'is not' Winston.

Show me yuh han han han han han han han han han han han han han han han.....

Appointed to the Cabinet because he was there, Winston Gypsy Peters, Member of Parliament for Mayaro, and Minister of Arts & Multiculturalism has decided that if people were going to march it should be to music.

Veteran calypsonian and entrepreneur that he is, Gypsy saw an opportunity where most saw a threat.

In the most dynamic proposal by any Government Minister to date, the good Minister has suggested that the country should celebrate carnival 'every three months.'

When asked why three months, the Minister said that is how long it takes CEPEP to clean up after carnival so he was planning prudently to prevent a build up of debris around the music trucks.