Getting to Know You.... (Cabinet Ministers 2010)

Now that Ernie Ross and Ross Advertising have been painted as unprofessional 'misprinters,' someone else has to take up the mantle of handling the 'touchy feely' side of the Government and provide timely information on those in the Public employ. Garvin Nicholas, battling with a chronic and some say life threatening case of laryngitis has been unable to fill the gap.

To those who may have been waiting for Congress of the People candidate Nicole Dyer to be appointed to Garvin's position, please obtain a personal copy of Bob Marley's 'Wait in Vain.'

The Partnership has a clear policy on its appointments, and I quote: "If you is COP, Hold Up."

DISCLAIMER: At no time in the past, present or future have I been in the paid or otherwise employ of the UNC, but as no one else is interested in the position, I thought I would do it in the interest of National Service.

Moving on.

Six months into Office with nary a reshuffle in sight, we thought it might be instructive to get to know our Ministers a little better.

Prime Minister: Kamla Persad-Bissessar

Credits to date: First female Legal Affairs minister, First Female Attorney General, First Female Leader of the Opposition, First Female Prime Minister.

Notable achievements: Challenged and removed Basdeo Panday as Leader of the UNC; Led a coalition Government to victory against Patrick Manning and the PNM; pissed off every leader in the Caribbean with her heavy handed approach to regional diplomacy; is battling with a bad case of foot in mouth and is constantly apologizing for her 'misspeaks'

Attorney-General: Anand Ramlogan

Credits to date: Parlayed successful legal career into Political Appointment.

Notable achievements: Lived up to Sat's expectations: put Ish & Steve into a perpetual holding pattern for obviously legal reasons; has exposed many PNM members in all kinds of lackaray in Parliament without successfully laying one charge; has convened the entire Legal Fraternity for legal advice more times in six months than any other AG in history; fired a functioning Commissioner of Police two weeks before retirement and replaced him with a non functioning one.

Minister of Foreign Affairs: Dr. Surujrattan Rambachan

Credits to date: Political survival despite having no public appeal whatsoever.

Notable achievements: Successfully fired a Muslim Talk Show Host for allegedly 'disliking' his Hindu Prime Minister; called Jack Warner despicable and an unrepentant crook yet willingly went to work for him; remembered fondly by many in Brazil, some of whom wishes he would return so they could settle unfinished business.

Minister of Finance: Winston Dookeran

Credits to date: Established a viable third Party; subsequently sold said Party for a position and a ticket to the dance.

Notable achievements: Currently battling the Axis of Evil - Permell and his EFPA buddies, Watson Duke and the PSA (can you count to one?) and Mikey Joseph and the Contractors Association, all of whom have designs on the country's dwindling reserves to satisfy claims against the State; Dooks was last seen striking his now familiar 'Gangsta' pose

Minister of National Security: John Sandy

Credits to date: Became Minister of National Security despite no one knowing who he was before; stunning resemblance to Bernie Mac

Notable achievements: Hand picked for the post he now occupies yet no one is quite sure why; presiding over the protective services and the ODPM, the Minister is grappling with serious low self esteem issues and an overwhelming need to bust a move; having cancelled former CoP Philbert, the OPV's, the wire tappers among other security initiatives of the last Administration, was last seen canceling his date with destiny

Minister of Trade and Industry: Stephen Cadiz

Credits to date: Publicly frowned on the murder of an employee and demanded justice in his name, Mr. Cadiz marched for Justice and vowed to never forget.

Notable achievements: Having been elected to Government, Mr. Cadiz seems to have forgotten

Minister of Local Government: Chandresh Sharma

Credits to date: Survived himself and his utterings

Notable achievements: Will never surpass his forehead emanating Blue Light super power and is a strong contender for Minister of National Security when Bernie moves on

Minister of Education: Dr. Tim Gopeesingh

Credits to date: Stunt double for  corpse in Weekend at Bernie's

Notable achievements: Despite appearing comatose at the best of times, can and has been known to turn a phrase to his benefit; famously referred to the disenchantment of East Indian Doctors as Ethnic Cleansing; is currently busy painting 24,000 laptops yellow

Minister of Works and Transport: Austin "Jack" Warner

Credits to date: FIFA Vice President, Panday Loyalist, Ramesh Loyalist turned Kamla Loyalist; Chairman of the UNC; self appointed Head Nigger in Charge

Notable achievements: Single handedly made the Parliamentary Code of Ethics go away; is reportedly busy digging a hole to nowhere

Minister of Health: Therese Baptiste-Cornelis

Credits to date: Came from nowhere and in quick time, and in quick time has everyone wishing she would go back from whence she came

Notable achievements: Despite having insulted the entire nation on numerous occasions actually remains in Office

Minister of Food Production, Land and Marine Affairs: Vasant Bharath

Credits to date: Accepted into the NEW UNC despite being a Panday loyalist

Notable achievements: Still in the NEW UNC despite being a Panday loyalist

Minister of Public Administration: Rudrawatee Ramgoolam

Credits to date: Appointed Minister

Notable achievements: None

Minister of Justice: Herbert Volney

Credits to date: Moved from sitting Judge to Minister of ALL Judges in record time

Notable achievements: Left the Judicial Bench to come 'down' into the politics to give it more class. Still working on that; organized a hair cut for his pal Subhas; publicly insulted the Chief Justice and survived

Minister of Tourism: Dr. Rupert Griffith

Credits to date: Allowed Panday to put a price on people from the 'other' side and willfully accepted it.

Notable achievements: None

Minister of Community Development: Nizam Baksh

Credits to date: Sadiq's brother

Notable achievements: Stood for Muslims against Muslims over the Fazeer Mohammed Affair.

Minister of the Arts and Culture: Winston "Gypsy" Peters

Credits to date: Successful calypsonian, as a Minister not so much

Notable achievements: Has suggested giving the natives Carnival every three months to keep them distracted, drunk and wining. Seems to have forgotten the lyrics to 'Little Black Boy'

Minister of Housing and the Environment: Dr. Roodal Moonilal

Credits to date: Climbed out of Badeo Panday's butt long enough to gulp fresh air and change lodgings.

Notable achievements: Has moved ass kissing and brown nosing from casual studies to a degree program in six short months. Successfully proved that rabid loyalty is for sale to the highest bidder and that masters are interchangeable depending on their fortunes at the time. 

Minister of Planning and Gender Affairs: Mary King

Credits to date: Retains some integrity despite being a part of the current Administration

Notable achievements: Ditto

Minister of Energy: Carolyn Seepersad-Bachan

Credits to date: Flipped the script with her former boss

Notable achievements: Appointed Gillettee to head Petrotrin while claiming to be there to root out corruption; said same comedy routine available for office parties and weddings

Minister of Labour: Errol MacLeod

Credits to date: OWTU Head now Labor Minister

Notable achievements: Used his position as Labor Minister to treat workers the way they need to be treated; translate that however you think fit

Minister of the People and Social Development: Dr. Glen Ramadhardsingh

Credits to date: None

Notable achievements: Made social services a reality series and the distribution of hampers to the poor a shameful enterprise; having perfected the art of the instant smile, the Minister has been seen at every major crisis striking a pose; was last seen reading "Member of Parliament for Dummies"

Minister of Public Utilities: Emmanuel George

Credits to date: Is still walking around free

Notable achievements: Appointed his former boss Ganga Singh to run WASA, continuing where they left off last time around

Minister of Legal Affairs: Prakash Ramadhar

Credits to date: Firebrand legal and political activist

Notable achievements: Remaining invisible and quiet despite the burning of Rome

Minister ot Science, Technology and Tertiary Ed: Fazal Karim

Credits to date: No one knows

Notable achievements: No one cares

Minister of Youth and Sports: Anil Roberts

Credits to date: Can i get a whup whup

Notable achievements: Nicky Minaj; this Government's Dhanraj Singh; continues to act the part of court jester

Minister of Tobago Development: Vernella Alleyne-Toppin

Credits to date: Acting Prime Minister

Notable achievements: Acting also as Tobago Minister apparently

Minister of State in the Office of the Prime Minister: Collin Partap

Credits to date: That he is STILL here

Notable achievements: None that we are aware of

Minister of State in the Office of the Prime Minister: Rodger Samuel

Credits to date: Appointment

Notable achievements: Still being researched

Minister in the Ministry of Works and Transport: Rudranath Indarsingh

Credits to date: Much like his idol Basdeo Panday, moved from Sugar Worker Union to Government

Notable achievements: Unlike his idol Basdeo Panday, did not do very well at either 

Minister in the Ministry of Tourism: Dr. Delmond Baker

Credits to date: Who?

Notable achievements: Seriously, who?

Minister in the Ministry of Education: Clifton De Coteau

Credits to date: Tim's go to guy

Notable achievements: Is still Tim's go to guy

Minister in the Ministry of the People and Social Development Dr. Lincoln Douglas

Credits to date: Represents da brothers fuh shizzle

Notable achievements: We have nothing here, sorry guys

This list is subject to change should any of the Members listed above do anything worthwhile, and will be updated every six months.