Deconstructing Suruj... (or um... mmm... uhh... what?)

It's been a while since I have had cause to deconstruct a Public Official 'cocking up' on the people's wuk, and Ninja-Barbie, Media-Killer, Action Figure Suruj Rambachan (Microphone sold separately) seems to insist that we take him at his word.

So be it.

Twice actually, we have two videos of him in all his splendiferous glory, kicking in proverbial chairs and tables and showing just who is Indian and who is Chief.

Our first video shows the chameleon like Suruj, complete in his 'Outlaw Josie Wales' personna, taking it to talk show host Fazeer Mohammed: 

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT4fRxhnLes&feature=player_embedded#!)

This video is at the heart of the matter and is being re-spun like used spider's web to get the meaning to suit the words. Having seen that with two other UNC Ministers within the last six months, I have to assume that whoever 'handles' their 'cock ups' after the fact has only one page in his playbook.

What you heard was not what I said.

Moving on.

Here is Ninja Barbie (two piece bathing suit sold separately) being interviewed on the PM's return from her latest trip: (http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150321301305311) and is the video that needs deconstructing as it is the first time Ninja Barbie has to answer questions on the above contentious interview.

Reporter 1: (0:27) In all fairness we need to get an answer from you as to all these unanswered questions.

Ninja Barbie (Ballroom gown and tiara sold separately): Well I'm very disheartened by the fact that some elements in the society (non hindu indian bashers? Syrian cloth spinners? African Tamarind ball rollers? Chinese chow mein cutters? Who are you referring to here NB?) are trying to make a link between the interview and the restructuring exercise at CNMG (because we don't believe that the host of the ONLY money making show on the station was draining the coffers at 300. per hour). The Prime Minister has been very clear in her statement that this is a matter of restructuring (why would she need to be 'very clear?' As opposed to what, being less than honest?) and Mr. Mohammed was not the only person involved in the restructuring exercise (WHO else did wonder boy Ken need to call at their home on the weekend and fire to save money?) and in the cost cutting exercise (so can we expect a published account of the savings?) and um... I thought i thought I had a very intelligent discussion with um,,, Mr. Mohammed (nope, what you did was take advantage of your position as a Government Minister) he's a very respected journalist (well yes, but also a Muslim woman hater according to the interview) and um... a professional in his own right (what does this mean?) and um... the Prime Minister did say that um... she was told that um... there's a realignment of competencies at the um... CNMG (ahhh I LOVE this, you mean like when we stop the car full of clowns and one in the back jumps in the front and drives?). So I'm very disheartened (us too, we could just cry with you) to think that people are making a link between the interview and um... Mr. Mohammed's um... (dismissal? Firing? Kicking to the curb?) reloc... um.. rea... re-al... ahh reallocating (Ninja Barbie chuckles here) (yeah we have trouble lying using 'R' words too) Mr. Mohammed into a new position (What position is that exactly, and has it been offered as yet?).

Reporter 2: (1:25) Sir, I just wanted to ask, your response to some of the criticisms against you personally for having raised the question in the interview, and this uhh, and there are some groups who are again raising this issue of whether it was somehow tied into uhh an issue of people's faith and tolerance, acceptance, discrimination, how do you respond to that?

Ninja Barbie (Party Girl accessories sold separately): I think this society needs to discuss a lot of other kinds of issues (all yuh eh see mih in mih gangsta pose or wha?) this is a growing society, this is an evolving society (goat love and public demonic possessions) and you will find that every community will have to deal with it's own kinds of issues (whatcha trying to say here Ninj?) and um.. just like we have national issues there are going to be community issues (still not following you here, could you be clearer?) and um.. I think conversations are very important in the society (are you really saying this much nothing on camera?) and uh... they will make for a healthier community and a society as a whole (lol, I bow to you oh skillful one, that amount of bullshit shovelled without moving your arms, all I can say is wow).

Reporter 2: (2:11) You have no regret at all in the interview and how everything went in the interview?

Ninja Barbie (Disco pumps sold separately): I Think that um... I think that Mr. Fazeer Mohammed himself has not raised any issues about the interview (have you been abroad?) and um... I think after the interview we shook hands (ahh you know silent grasshopper technique huh) it was a very pleasant interview in fact (yes it was dripping with man love) and um... and that was it.

Very rarely is a wordsmith humbled, and you Suruj, you humble me. I think I now need to learn to speak Spanish or French, as I think you have completely destroyed English in that one interview.

This man deserves a Jack Award for making stuff up out of pure air, and his Ninja deflecting skills on display are inspiring to watch. His Kung Fu is strong, and he knows how to get on with his bad self.

The first reporter looked like he was like the coolest dude in the room, while the second reporter looked like he could wet himself with fear, which must have got everyone who had a little power feeling all testosteronie (new word, means mannishness leaking out your very pores).

The message conveyed in this interview was very clear, "we in Office for at least the next four and a half years, and who doh like it, neh neh ne neh neh."

Ninja Barbie, we hear you loud and clear.