New Rules....

Everytime there is an overwhelming amount of political excrement in the air many people look to me for clarity or guidance. I have contacted the ODPM (Office of Disaster Prone Mismanagement) and have been told that right now (according to the Meteorological Office), we are experiencing a cold manuric front coupled with a warm upsurge of gobar resulting in the current political atmospheric conditions.

In response and in an attempt to prevent this from developing into a shit storm I have decided that it is time for some new rules.

[Please be advised that these rules only make sense to people capable of independent and logical thought. If they confuse you in any way or if you are outraged by any of these rules take two Phensic and get some sleep.]

New Rule - All Political Candidates must be personally liable for keeping promises made on the campaign trail either directly or in their name and should be sued when they break them.

New Rule - ALL fraudulent resumes and fictitious qualifications should result in instant dismissal and exiled to Brazil.

New Rule - If you're hired to be the Police Commissioner and you realize that you cannot do the job you ought to resign before you are disgraced.

New Rule - When leaving, take everything and everybody that you brought with you, including any sidekicks and juniors.

New Rule - There should be a mandatory ten year gap preventing you or your Company doing any business with any State Board you are or were a member of. 

New Rule - Everyone who was in any way involved in the Reshmi Ramnarine fiasco (including those who defended her like Prakash and Suruj) need to be fired immediately if not sooner.

New Rule - Anyone involved in Manning's spy gate when the PNM was in power ought to be expediently prosecuted for their crimes against the people's trust.

New Rule - Dr. Keith Rowley needs to stop talking about anything. Ever. To anybody. Shhh!

New Rule - Kamla needs to fire at least one UNC Minister if she wants to appear as even handed and 'just' as she thinks she looks. Firing COP appointees was easy, now let's see her do the real work.

New Rule - Dr. Amery Browne needs to either come out of the closet or release a sex tape with him and some local skettels, but somebody needs to tell him that this metro thing he has going on is not fooling anybody.

New Rule - Somebody needs to put Marlene in touch with Jenny Craig.

New Rule - Somebody needs to give Rene Cummings a job, the girl has been auditioning for over a year now and I am sure even she must be tired of hearing about her qualifications.

New Rule - Gary Griffith needs to be told that the rank 'Captain' does not follow through into civilian life. You are not a Captain anymore bud, move on.

New Rule - Somebody needs to explain to the public what the Ministry of Justice does and what exactly is Volney's job.

New Rule - There must be a limit on how many members of Chandresh Sharma's family can be on the State payroll regardless of who he screwing.

New Rule - Jack Warner should hit the road, permanently.

New Rule - He should take his boytoy George Nicholas with him.

New Rule - Patrick Manning should join them.

New Rule - Wade Mark needs to take a long, long honeymoon. About four more years should suffice.

New Rule - Anil Roberts needs to resign as Minister of Sports and go back on the radio where his big mouth had a place and a purpose.

New Rule - Someone needs to remind Hinds how embarrassed he felt when Manning chased him away from the PNM, so he will stop playing schoolyard bully in the Senate.

New Rule - Prakash needs to stop fooling people and officially change the name of the COP to 'UNC Lite'

New Rule - Like OJ and MJ, Makandal Daaga needs to stop being conveniently black only when it suits him.

New Rule - Devant Maharaj needs to convert to Islam.

New Rule - Glenn Ramadhar Singh should be made to come clean on the UWI money before he start handling URP money.

New Rule - Duprey, Monteil and the rest of the CLICO/CL bandit bunch need to be prosecuted and their ill gotten gains repatriated to the company.

New Rule - Government should take steps to 'nationalize' any Ice ream and  Cremery companies that were funded in any way with CL/CLICO money.

New Rule - Ewart, Hiralal, Kukmar and Dooks need to tell the country what they knew about CLICO and when.

New Rule - The international accounting firm that were party to the fraud and fiction that was the CL/CLICO Annual Reports needs to be shut down and their Director's charged.

New Rule - HCU investors should all be allowed to kick Harnarine one kick each.

New Rule - The Board of the Brian Lara Cancer Center should all be subjected to similar doses as to what the patients were exposed to so as to prove their claim that it was indeed harmless.

New Rule - DOMA needs to elect a new President. Tired of seeing el Presidente for life now. Give us a break dude.

New Rule - Ramesh needs to invest in tights and a cape if he's going to fight every damn cause.

New Rule - All Union Leaders must get a degree in economics if they plan to discuss economics so that they will recognize the line where reason gives way to rainbows, magic and fantasy.

And finally, New Rule - Trinidadians need to stop being morons and followers and start to think for themselves, at the very least where their politics is concerned. Men like Calder Hart and O'Halloran did not need coconut oil or TCB to raid the treasury, yet we base our political loyalties on trite like hair products and other equally stupid things.

The day we as a people stand shoulder to shoulder regardless of race or country of ancestral origin and acted in our collective best interest we would be rid of these jokey jackasses for good, and to make things even better, I wouldn't have to waste time writing any more of these stupid rules.

Ent?