Not Necessarily the News... July 1st 2011

Welcome to Not Necessarily the News, the only show that takes a no holds barred look at the stories making news, those not making news and those that should be making news.

In the headlines:

A LETTER of complaint from the Congress of the People (COP) denouncing changes in the People's Partnership administration was delivered to Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar last night. Believing their own rhetoric that they are still a valid political Party rather than a staging area for UNC members in training, Chairman and Chief Party Apologist Joseph Toney sent off a strongly worded, two-fisted, no-holds-barred, guaranteed-not-to-offend letter to the Prime Minister, which he quickly followed up with a letter of apology on behalf of the Party. The letter was drafted by the executive members of the party after an impromptu closed-door meeting at the Tunapuna constituency office of the political leader Winston Dookeran yesterday, who just returned from promoting his latest book "This Time I Mean It!"

Asked to comment on the development within the Partnership and how it augers for the future, the four candidates for Political Leader all had much to say on the subject:

"This election is really a cost cutting exercise as we hope to all be wearing yellow shirts one day instead of having two different coloured shirts for no reason." - Prakash Ramadhar

"Anything Prakash have to say from now on he lie. He's a liar, and liars lie. How ah talk?" - Vernon De Lima

"I totally disagree with my learned friend the Minister of Legal Affairs as some of us have already started wearing our yellow shirts since last year so the issue does not arise. We do not need legislation, what we need is yellow shirts for all the members. Only when the members have shirts will we truly rise" - Anil Roberts

"I called Prakash a snake, not only because I thought he was shifty but because I love to hug up snakes. In fact, when I am political leader I will pass legislation so that everyone could have their own snake." - Nalini Dial

 There has been no response from the Prime Minister or anyone in her government for that matter on this new development as of this writing.

In other news:

In a 10-minute address to the nation last Sunday night, Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar quelled the hours of speculation over the realignment of her one-year-old administration with a gentle sway to music no one else could hear.

"The consensus by way of our achievement is that we have done well in our first year," she mumbled, adding that she was aware of the need to do better not realizing the irony in her statement or that nothing says success like political musical chairs.

Appearing subdued and somewhat medicated, Persad-Bissessar thanked those who served in the past year and said a realignment of portfolios was "common", which we guess is a euphemism and Kamla-speak for finding a way to fire Cornelis.

"In this Government, it was obvious that certain Ministries had responsibilities which were not in keeping with their core business," she said, such as driving and roads it would appear. Hoping to bring an end to the tempestuous on again/off again 'bromance' between Jack Warner and George Nicholas, the Prime Minister decided that the only option available to her was to make it a threesome and added Devant Maharaj to the mix. This prompted none other than Dr. Amery Browne to apply for the now vacant post at the PTSC as (quote) he never knew that Works and Transport could be so much fun (unquote).

Dr Roodal Moonilal, deputy political leader of the United National Congress (UNC), Leader of Government Business in the House and Minister of Housing and the Environment said he was satisfied with the way Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar handled her first realignment of Cabinet ministers on Saturday and said if he had his way she would realign some of them every Saturday. Although he was not aware of the finalised plan, he gave Persad-Bissessar 100 per cent support which makes us wonder what he would be prepared to give when he eventually knew the finished plan. Minister of the People, Missing Goats and Manhole Covers - Glenn Ramadhar Singh was also in high praise for the Prime Minister but chose to speak off camera as he did not walk with his comb or his mousse. Saying her endorsement of him made him feel like a million dollars, which reminded many of those present of his days at UWI.

Finally, members of the Billion Dollar Boys Club - Duprey, Monteil and Hart have decided to join forces and make a play for the rest of Trinidad & Tobago as between them they own more than the fifty one percent required to trigger a takeover bid. Public relations officer for the consortium Karen Nunez-Texeira admitted that they had in fact formed themselves into a Company registered in Malaysia called So-soomee Limited, and that the bid would be handled by International Accountants Douie, Cheethem and Howe. The Board, not yet constituted was expected to include past, present and future Central Bank Governors, two former Supervisors of Insurance and Reverend julia Pena.

Stay tuned for these and other stories in subsequent broadcasts of Not Necessarily the News...