The Jack Awards 2013...

Early on in 2010 and just after the elections that brought the People's Partnership to power, a young boy who was kidnapped managed to free himself and find his way out of the forest in the wee hours of the morning, causing the then Acting Prime Minister Jack Warner (in his first acting role) out of an apparent gush of lavish and enthusiastic exuberance to promise the fellow a FIFA watch and a National Award. Now as happy and as proud as the entire nation was that the little guy escaped, the ensuing backlash against the Minister seemed to catch him by surprise because, having an Acting Prime Minister dishing out National Awards on a whim seemed to cheapen the entire institution of the thing and it was argued that it was not his call to make. In response and in demonstration of his now well known 'two step backpedal,' Minister Warner said to the little guy, the confused media and the world at large that they got it wrong, that when he said award he did not mean a National Award, prompting others to wonder what then could he have meant and us to assume in the absence of any contradiction that what he meant was in fact, a Jack Award.

No one knows if that little guy ever got his FIFA watch or any thing at all from the Minister, but over the years since that momentous moment we at the Organization of Worthless Awards (OWA) have been handing out Jack Awards to those in public life who have demonstrated that they do in fact deserve one by their shenanigans while in the public employ.

So, without further ado, the nominees for this year's Jack Awards to date are:

Brian MacFarlane – Twice a recipient of the 'Diva's Tantrum Medal' for hissy fits in public, Brian outdid himself earlier this year when it was pointed out in the media that the sports memorial commissioned to him was delivered with incorrect spelling and outright errors. In response, Mr. MacFarlane went on to throw the mother of all tantrums and call down the wrath of Khan on all those who (apparently) did not understand what national pride meant, prompting Hasely Crawford to momentarily consider changing his name.

Navi Muradali & Donna Cox – Jointly nominated in the 'Slap for Slap' category, both Muradali and Cox have demonstrated that when it comes to action they are the team for you. Having never been in a ring together, rumor has it that the Ministry of Sports and promoter Buxo Potts are working out the kinks in putting together a show that many say would be a Thriller in Manilla and a Rumble in the Jungle combined. We at OWA could only hope, but pound for pound if it were to take place the smart money would be on Cox. Venues discussed so far include the Gulf City Car-park and Balisier House.

Prakash Ramadhar – The Shifting Sands Award – When Prakash Ramadhar gives an ultimatum bet your bottom dollar he means it, unless he doesn't. What? Yes. And to those who think he is not a man of his word need to understand that it takes a special talent to be able to not only see every side of an issue but to espouse them all as your own.

Dr. Fuad Khan – A well known fertility doctor and lesbian rights activist, Fuad has made many statements that caused people to ask 'did he really say that?' but none as unbelievable as the one where he questioned the credentials of the Chairman of the CONCACAF Audit that found Jack Warner guilty of financial shell games and wizardry, forgetting that this was the same gentleman currently Chairing HIS government's Commission of enquiry into the 1990 attempted coup. Nominated for this year's 'Blonde Leading the Blonde Award.'

Herbert Volney – Herbert Volney has so confuffled the issues surrounding his dismissal from government over the Section 34 fiasco that members of the public are starting to believe that it was all a big mistake orchestrated by the Leader of the Opposition, Faris al Rawi and David Abdullah. Nominated for the 'Madman on the Loose Award, 'Huggable Herb' as no one calls him is the go to fill spot on morning shows for sheer entertainment value.

Anil Roberts – Last years winner of the 'Bald, Brash and Drunk Award,' Anil is nominated this year in the 'Sex, Lies & Spanish Tape' and 'Sleepless in Marabella' categories.

Austin Jack Warner – This Awards Show's namesake never lets us down by his antics but this year is a little bit different. We believe that, sadly this stellar career may be coming to a close, and we at OWA would like to wish him well as he moves on to other projects involving the FBI and the IRS (among others) as supporting casts. With that in mind and in celebration of his full body of work, this year we will be presenting Mr. Warner with a 'Jack Warner Lifetime Achievement Award' for excellence in the art of graft, dishonesty and corruption.

Other notable nominees to date are:

Daryan Warner in the 'I Just House Sitting Dred' and the 'Look Ma, No Bracelets' categories, Ramesh Lawrence Maharaj in the 'Any Party is My Party' category, and Communications Minister Jamaal Mohammed is nominated for his special effects work in the 'Clueless & Comfortable' category.

Invitations to attend the Jack Awards are conducted through secret ballots tabulated by Price Waterhouse for transparency and sponsored by the Point Fortin Highway Land Acquisition Fund. The Jack Awards are eco friendly and green, but it comes off with a good scrubbing.