National Bullshit Council...

Of all of the changes that this country could use urgently, none are more important than a National Bullshit Council. Set up to be a watchdog over everything, it would be allowed to weigh in on anything where the people's 'right to know' is concerned. Wouldn't you like to be told at the end of every political announcement by an authoritative voice that what you just heard may have in fact been bullshit? How about the advertisement that says a particular brand of soft drink gives you happiness but omits to tell you that it also gives you diabetes, wouldn't you like there to be an organization responsible for steering you straight? We would too, so, without further ado, here are some examples of recent times when it would have been extremely handy to have a National Bullshit Council:

- When Patrick Manning recently called his dramatic press conference of urgent and national importance to 'apologize' to all the people that he may have 'wronged' while he was Prime Minister we were forced to test the announcement for traces of bullshit. And while some are happy that he seems to have found his humanity, others are scoffing at this demonstration of way-too-little much-too-late suspect piety. Thinking everyone in the country are as easily fooled as his supporters, Mr. Manning is once again guilty of making a mess of the language by forcing his reality on the facts. What we are all awaiting is his press conference to announce his retirement from active politics and the sooner he does that the better. We at the National Bullshit Council see this latest bit of hypnotic trickery for what it is; unadulterated 100% bullshit.

- Brigadier John Sandy treated the entire nation like school children when he informed us that he saved us from something by recommending a State of Emergency but could not say from what exactly, and despite saying it with his sternest face we all saw it for what it was, misidrective bullshit. Unable to acknowledge that his government's failure to get a handle on crime made everything else that they said and did irrelevant, he and they went for the draconian step that many would have been willing to put up with had they been honest and up front about their reasons in the first place. That they chose to 'spin' it instead has made a bad situation that much worse, and now the people have no choice but to wait to get their Constitutional Rights back from the same bunch of jokers they can't wait to fire. If that is not bullshit, we don't know what is.

- The entire nation gasped in disbelief that Ishwar Galbaransingh and Steve Ferguson were successful in their bid to thwart extradition to the United States to answer charges for crimes committed in that jurisdiction to which they are all but assured State sponsored food and lodging. Listening to the Attorney General speak on these matters almost calls for a secret decoder ring as one is never sure if one can believe what is being said, and it is clear that the government's default position in matters like these seems to be 'if you cannot intrigue them with your intelligence, baffle them with bullshit.' Attorney General Anand Ramlogan is a master of the craft and we at the National Bullshit Council believe that he deserves to either receive an award or to have one named in his honor.

- When Kamla announced her 'Sponsor a Gangsta' program called 'Color me Orange' recently, our bullshit detectors almost exploded. Now three hundred million dollars of the people's money is going to be spent on a program that hopes to add some UNC yellow to the PNM red worn in those areas. That they are not even trying to hide their intentions anymore is tragic, and while this is of course bullshit, it's also funny.

- While lovable lunatic Mayor Louis Lee Sing is being thwarted in every step at enforcing the law, the residents of Woodbrook are once again free to inhale the lovely scent of fresh urine in the morning. Literally depending on which side of the fence you're on, this is a clear example of bureaucratic bullshit gone wild.

- When TV6 decided to thumb its nose at decent people everywhere by reinstating the Rape for Ratings programme we thought we should point out to them that in so doing they may have inadvertently made a lie out of their sign on prayer. While we are the last people to tell people what to pray for, we are the exact people to tell you that doing the opposite of what you are praying for is the textbook definition of bullshit.

- Leader of the Congress of the People Prakash Ramadhar has decided to use his considerable political weight and has declared war against racism and visible panty lines. That there are so many other pressing issues that could be addressed by the Government's 'B' Team it's not funny, and while we accept it for the coalition bullshit that it is, we at the Council are also willing to be wrong on this one. We look forward with eager anticipation to the outcome of this endeavor and would welcome that Party's Green Paper on Race Reform in Trinidad & Tobago as well as the much needed legislation that criminalizes bingo bags.

It is clear to see and based on the few provided examples from amidst the plethora of questionable pronouncements being made on a daily basis, we do in fact need a National Bullshit Council and the sooner one is established the better. There are many well established and talented bullshit artists at work in this country who should be asked to serve on the Board, as it is a globally accepted truth that no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to bullshit a bullshitter.