MP's Evaluation Report 2011...

Like most people I too was taken aback by the suddeness and the extent of the Prime Minister's recent Cabinet reshuffle, and it is only when I stumbled upon the Ministers evaluation report that I understood why she acted in the haste that she did. 

Here is a summary of what that document contained:

"As requested Madame Prime Minister, the report is provided based on performance since initial appointment. With regard to the personnel at caption, please find an overview in the following paragraph:

N.B. While these evaluations are intended to be used as guidelines for promotions or dissmissal depending on the needs of the sitaution, they are in no way conclusive and further study is recommended.

• Austin Jack Warner - This Minister works well, when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.  Major accomplishment to date lies in still being one step ahead of the law.
• Herbert Volney -  This member will stick with us until retirement, unless we do something first.
• Anand Ramlogan - To hear this member speak, his accomplishments are so big they can only be compared to that of a black hole in space -- unfortunately, neither have been confirmed to exist. 
• Suruj Rambachan - Since our last evaluation, this member has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
• Therese Baptiste-Cornelis - This young lady has delusions of adequacy. When she opens her mouth, it seems it's only to change whichever foot was previously there.
• Glenn Ramadhar Singh - Can string two sentences together, but only if he borrows the string. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• Winston Dookeran - Offers plausible excuses for errors.  If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
• John Sandy - Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargles. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. 
• Stephen Cadiz - Wheel is turning, but the hamsters all appear to be dead. Is still able to get the job done -- if someone else helps.
• Chandresh Sharma - Is definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and seems to find twenty reasons to do anything except the original task. 
• Dr. Rupert Griffith -  Has a room temperature IQ and has committed no major blunders today, that we are aware of. If it wasn't for a poor work ethic, he wouldn't have any.
• Winston "Gypsy" Peters -  If he were any less situationally aware, we'd be watering him twice a week. This member is not really so much of a has-been, more of a won't-be.
• Dr. Roodal Moonilal - Has a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. He's so dense, light bends around him.
• Anil Roberts - A prime candidate for natural de-selection, if you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
• Emmanuel George - This employee should go far -- and the sooner he starts, the better.
  
  Compared to the evaluation of the Opposition MP's for the same period, it is not a stretch to imagine a world where Trinidad is no longer recognized as an independant nation but is treated more like a University for Circus Performers.

• Dr. Keith Rowley - This member has a knack for making strangers dislike him immediately and would argue with a signpost.
• Dr. Amery Browne - If you see two people talking and one looks bored...he's the other one.
• Marlene McDonald - Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it. When her IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
• Patrick Manning - He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room. This member is so stupid he couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice. This man has all his marbles together, and would be a credit to the Party if he could find where he hid them.
• Patricia McIntosh - Speaking with this Member was like engaging in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. While talking to her one sort of gets the impression that she is watching a spider climb up a wall.

• Fitzgerald Jeffery - Appears to have either donated his brain to science before he was done using it or may have accidentally fallen out of the family tree.

If you've gotten to this point and fail to see the humor in the situation, you may be due an evaluation of your own.