Fingering Forward....

Once again due to very tragic circumstances the issue of gun-control is becoming the front burner issue of a reactionary public looking for something, anything to blame other than our selfish, profit-driven 'me-first' society when the world stops making advertisng-supported, pre-scripted sense. And like everyone else I am dismayed and broken hearted at these occurrences every single time they occur, and like everyone else I am powerless to do anything but add my outrage and my two cents until the twenty four hour news cycle drops the issue, so here goes -

It is my view that we should open up the debate, take this discussion to its obvious conclusion and forget the whole guns and bullets argument because, if without a gun a bullet cannot kill, imagine how useless a gun would be without fingers. And it is not just shooting. Fingers are notorious for other anti-social activities - from 'giving' someone 'the finger,' nose picking in public and the much despised 'poking' (both virtually and in reality). Have you ever been tickled to death? Chances are fingers were used. Clearly the bane of a society trying to evolve cohesively, fingers undermine our best intentions and it is time we started paying closer attention to these culprit digits. Forget gun control, how many other problems could be solved if the discussion turned to finger control? I for one am ready to stand up and give the finger to fingers. We need to embark on a campaign to regulate fingers in the at risk communities and perhaps it is time to start removing fingers at birth to eradicate these and many other social scourges at the earliest possible opportunity.

Would you be able to smoke without fingers? Possibly, but it would NOT look cool so what would be the point? Much of the global obesity epidemic is linked directly to the use of remote controls and as they would become obsolete without fingers, the side benefit in lost inches and pounds alone are another reason to join the anti-finger movement. It is time we ignored the side issues of personal and parental responsibility or even healthy social people centered national agendas and apply the grease directly to the squeaky wheel. Cheaper than the cost of regulating mind bending popular culture or trying to re-establish the family as the guiding center of a stable society, the eradication of fingers will solve all of these problems and more and take us to that Utopian dream society where our urges are ignored because we would have lost the ability to surrender to temptation. 

It is time to think outside of the box - Save the world, save society, save the flowers, save money on pesky engagement and wedding rings, remove your fingers today....